L is For….

May is National Lupus Awareness Month.. This month L is for Lupus but it stands for so much more …

 L is for

LOVE of my family and friends because I would not be in this space with out them..For LORD because without His saving grace I would not have a story to tell..For the LIGHT and purpose my children bring to my life.. for the LONGEVITY we all desire..for the ability to embrace that now Im more than a bit LOONEY…for that LONGING feeling I had on the days I could not get out of the bed.. for my boyfriend helping to LIFT me onto his back emotionally and physically at times…For the LAUGHS my brother gives me when he knows I am filled with worry..For my sisters LEAD she showed me not to be afraid of what may come..For LEARNING to LISTEN to my own body and determine my own path.. For pushing the LIMITS when I should and sometimes when I should not..

For the many people who are LINKS in this armor Because of them I am unbroken..

Yes I have Lupus but L is for LIFE

The days, months, and years since have been up and down, both mentally and physically, but I would not trade anything for my journey.. #LiveLaughLove

#ImME

Time Flies When…

Times Flies When…

As I sit here at VA waiting for a Dr appt. Im tired. And alone .. Surrounded of course yet alone..My mind talks to me. I realized I rushed here.. Really rushed… .. I rushed out the door to the gym to workout early so I could make my appt, then home from the gym to wash and rushed to get dress then rushed here just to get here on time then spend 20 min circling the parking lot like a shark lookin for a parking spot.. Then I rushed in just to check in and be told “WAIT” And I huffed but here I am …… Waiting.. Its Slow.. I kno the time will drag by..
But is that bad that i have to stop rushing and wait?? Or is it bad that I have to be forced to stop.. It always feels like there isnt enough time. To cook, to drop off kids, to pick kids up, to clean, to run, to do laundry, to help with projects ( oh Lord how I LOVE SCIENCE projects), to braid hair, to play outside, to hit the gym, to sort the old, and restock the new, to run the errands, to get groceries, to pay bills, to visit schools…. Oh yea to sleep, wash, rinse, repeat and do it alll over again. Lol and I dont have to go to work (wait does Crossfit count) it should lol its hard work.. But anyway There never seems to be enough time.. And so I rush..

And in quiet moments like these I feel guilty.. For spreading myself thin. I question if there are enough memorable moments. What will my family remember? And I realize that when it matters most life does slow down just enough for you to catch those moments. Like this morning when Za kissed me on my cheek and said see you later and laughed.. Or yesterday evening when I was jogging with Luri and she looks at me we both start dancing in the street til we got tired & then bust out in laughing. Or Sunday after noon when Oni was doing laundry and asked “Mom can I do anything else for you?” I replied “no thanks thats good” and he says “No mom, Thank you” I actually felt like he meant it Those are times when the clock stops.. When the incessant ticking and trying to figure out what to do next or how to bend time to arrive at your destination on time, when you are clearly already late.

If you take a minute to do nothing.. (Or have no service like me right now writing this on my notepad lol) its easier to see all the times when the Sun seems to literally kiss you on the nose and brighten your life.

So take a minute stop rushing and planning and worrying and take it all in because Time only Flies when we arent watching..

KLB

Sunday: Solitude of Self

So its been quite a minute since Ive written anything. I am an admitted victim of cluttered brain. I often think of this and that and feel like I need “Dave Chapelle’s Backpack Stenographer” to take down all my thoughts because of course they are all worthy of pen to paper immortalization. You agree yes lol Well in all my running around my friend Lupus has felt neglected and now wants attention and so I find myself here, writing in what to me is my own corner of carved out solitude..

If you look for a definition to solitude you find lonely, alone, seclusion, isolation etc.. All words that most of us would consider negative. I however find a simple peace in my solitude. I get to stop and think about how my choices are affecting me. Am I making my life more stressful or joyful? How do I feel about who I am and where I am? I have discovered the priceless benefit of solitude is self reflection and introspection. The digging into me. Most of us spend so much time digging into other people lives, background, or dirt that we do no investigation of SELF!  Maybe I am more prone to it when Im not in my best health, but I appreciate it just the same. I can peel myself wide open and weep over my losses, rejoice in my victories, and shake my head at the things that I still do not understand about me.

In doing that here are some things that I’ve heard before but found for myself to be true:

1.  I’ve learned that regret has no place in a peaceful stress free life. If you did it let it be done.
2. I can’t be mad at those who have wronged me forever.
3. Hating is less about another person and more about how you handle them.
4. Being complete is never about my mate but about what I am lacking in myself.
5. To me true happiness originates within. If I cant be happy with just me I cant offer happiness into the world..

I mean but really what do I know? Im just being unproductive in my pajamas lol 

Dont Sleep

Reblogged from Through Hazel Eyes:

While you were sleeping We carried on
Bold & strong pretending all the world is our playground riding an emotional rollercoaster like a fire breathing dragon disentegrating every two bit nit wit that appeared to present a proposition oh to similar to the one we remembered. No thanks I'll pass I've children and responsibilities and standards and a long list of things to do that will never again include you .

Read more… 232 more words

Dont Sleep

While you were sleeping We carried on
Bold & strong pretending all the world is our playground riding an emotional rollercoaster like a fire breathing dragon disentegrating every two bit nit wit that appeared to present a proposition oh to similar to the one we remembered. No thanks I’ll pass I’ve children and responsibilities and standards and a long list of things to do that will never again include you .
No rest for the weary, yea Im sure thats the saying and despite all the excuses you have at your convenient disposal on my end there’s no delaying. The opportunity to overlook my priorities well leave my offspring on the short end so as usual Im flexible dont break but always bend like a contortionist at a circus. Whichever way to “make it happen” and if it’s not possible then the guilt of falling short will force me to insomnia filled nights where I can engage in cage fights with me, myself, & I til I figure it out .. Yes and all while you were sleeping.
While you were sleeping, eating, chilling, doing you or whatever it is that you do I was doing them. Straight over time no 4 hour time card to denote my part time existence. Forging up the mountain or through barriers if faced with any resistance. Its unsettling the selfishness that lies in the hearts of man. I know its because “You cant” or even better “You’ll Try” Peppered with an occasional “Can I do you a favor” Im amused and insulted but I reserve my behavior. Your logic is baffling, your justifications reprehensible. Your excuses are not “Reasons” I can understand as a mother. But why beef because my words go in one ear and out the other
because you are SLEEPING…

Reblogged from U.S.:

With an avg annual salary of $76K, Chicago teachers are among he highest paid in the nation. Part of the dispute: A 90 min longer day in exchange for 2% pay raises.

The Ramblings….#1

As the world turns we they all yearn to do like Khaled said and just win

Its all the same yet so many forms and terms but majority chose to chase the yen

and while the chase can be so thrilling we will find it unfulfilling

being tantalized by that chic name Sin who never means any good

and although we know that we should

NOT once things get too hot, its easier said than done

easier hidden when its over

trying to persuade me to do the right thing like Spike lee

I’ll pass u a 4 leaf clover

why

because u got better LUCK next time

and just say Seriously it aint that serious

we throw our wrongs in the bag with our mishaps and color them all the same shade

thats cool right just a little palatte of mistakes that I’ve made

and no I don’t bring them out because they aren’t a big deal

and just because We frontin’ doesn’t mean we don’t keep it real

Right?

wrong just like most lyrics you hear are just words to songs not anthems to your life

a soundtrack to you strife

as if your brain is directly connected to your speaker box most of your content is creating the blocks

and walls that you see but won’t climb because they’re TOO TALL

I can’t help but wonder when MAN got so small

and shit got so Powerful that people don’t have the strength to overcome it

its sad when you see the common theme is to numb it

with doses of drugs with vague descriptions or whatever vice that does the trick

TRICK trickin aint easy but it pays the bills, or it just leaves with coked up chills

but its work right. we all gottta do what we gotta do.

I’ll do me and you do you

all these nonsense translations for a disjointed nation of ignorant head bobbling schmucks

more stupid than corrupt

because even corruption takes some logistical network of organization

But shhh we aint got time to be sitting around with other ppl debating

if they don’t disagree, they aint down, they “just hating”

but your Life is what it is, until it aint

And you never know what it CAN be when you prefer CANT….

As the world turns….

Because my mind wakes up and puts on its running shoes long before I open my eyes…